Birthday woes

Just a week before my birthday I was praying that God help me accept your will and more courage to change the things and the wisdom to know the difference. A friend advised from his own experience cut down on our expectations and you will be happy. For more than half a decade I have come to expect something only from myself, but now that was turning out to be agonising more than ever.

So just like the bubble burst in the financial world , the bubble in my life had burst. I was ready to pick up the pieces and move on. As I reflected on the past year that went by, the first half of october and the most of my november till my birthday seemed to take some kind of a wretched pattern. This pattern assumed a self destructing form and it seems to grow till my birthday and then dies down. And when I look back, probably it seemed like a nightmare which was waiting to fade away after my birthday. This happened year after year but I never realised it until I shared it my brother who was living under the same curse and was happy that my birthday was near and the jinx would be over atleast till the next birthday. And yes the D-day my birthday was a jinx for the whole city if not the country itself, however I could reach home safely and thankfully all friends and family in the city were spared the trouble. Its difficult to cope up and continue as if nothing happened especially in the midst of terror attacks in every indian city.


Looking ahead I am trying to come up with a not to do list during this phase of my life every year like do not invest in stocks, do not try too hard to be good at work, do not try anything extra ambitious and last but not the least do not fall for a girl during this period. Hopefully the last habit would be curbed sooner if not later and definitely this cannot be an annual affair since I'm inching towards nearly 3 decades of my existence or precisely 28 years. The only positive from this phase is that I am emerging stronger from these self inflicted crises and when I look back I do manage to get a good laugh at some of my foolishness I've indulged in. Probably some of my friends who are reading this are already laughing at me.

In fact this theory of the jinx was building up so badly that it was affecting the ones I associated during this period, I managed to turn upside down the life of a loved one in flat 3 days and the nightmare which I always feared would happen to me I am so close to inflicting it on somebody else. I have pulled off yet another challenge to live upto the ideals I have always wanted to but never managed so far. And this time when I come out of this self inflicted crisis I know I might not come out unscathed as I would want to hope for.

I'm trying to take heart from a recent quote which says when it gets difficult to change your situation then the bigger challenge is changing yourself to live upto that situation. Thats why blogging is such a good medium, you make strong statements, propagate your thoughts, stay away from negativity and hope that something good happens out of the stuff you write or atleast you get to experience self imposed deja vu year after year when you read your old posts .