How to kill ambition

As a 15 year old when I encountered an essay in a exam My ambition in Life, I was pretty relieved and went on to write one of the high scoring essays in the class. Another friend of mine who was sitting ahead of me wrote the same essay and chose the same profession for his essay as well and that was to become a priest. Thankfully our essays had quite a different content otherwise the teacher would not have labelled it as mere coincidence. As time passed I did manage to kill that ambition by choosing to follow a conventional career path.
Time and again that thought would creep in my mind what if I'd followed the first calling of my life. Oh yes my friend did went on to become what he had written in that essay and even much better. I'm happy not have to met him since so many years not out of jealousy but out of a inferior feeling of having not followed something you had put on paper.
But at saner times I would want to think it was just my sub conscious or shrewd mind that was at its nascent stage(when I was 15) trying to score the maximum by writing something novel that would impress one and all. Sooner or later the next ambition began to creep into my head, and these demons would surface every now and then. It would not help me enjoy my mediocre successes, it would make me yearn day in day out for something bigger of which I was not sure whether I really deserved. I don't like to judge myself or anybody else unless it comes in the way of my job. Every time I judge I fear I would be judged on stricter criteria, yes the Bible does inculcate a good amount of fear for God in you and my mother has done the rest by reminding me every time just in case I forget.
The best way to kill the ambition is to try and fail. That would give you the excuse of having put in the efforts, or wasted efforts to put it precisely. The human mind's gotta be pre-occupied with something or the other. May be with age the ambitions would cease to exist but many a time with age you start thinking about it every time you are awake. Choosing not to act makes it worse, so your latest ambition would be to defeat your own ambition.
Getting busy at work can keep your ambition tied down for sometime but not for too long.
A friend of mine managed to kill his ambition by getting married and now he has his mind filled with a collective ambition formed by the couple. So marriage didn't help him much on that account and with the passage of time his ambitions got close to becoming finite and more achievable.
Procrastination doesn't delay the pain of not having lived up to it, but it does diminish the hopes and expectations others have had on you. That in turn takes off the pressure and the demons come back with a bang. Travelling, pursuing that impossible hobby or may be even the next crush may keep the thing on a tight leash but when the excitement wanes out the mundane ambition raises its ugly head to cause insomnia in the night especially if you have slept for 10 hours in the day.

The Ordinary Life

If you gotta travel daily for more than a couple of hours and then realise that there's not much to do other than watch the rigged up IPL matches or switch over to the intellectually defying news channels then welcome to the club formed for those hoping (but not acting) and even blogging that things would get better whilst living the Ordinary Life.
Few months back when my brother asked him to join for a pilgrimage down south I refused saying God exists within and is not be searched elsewhere. I did team up with him when he decided he would go for it alone. It was a good opportunity for me to escape the ordinary weekend and seek solace in divine company. The ten hour drive to the shrine from Chennai was nothing but adventurous; an inexperienced driver coupled with reckless driving by the local truck drivers and the continuous struggle by our taxi driver to stay awake. The Gods had to be on our side, lest we would not have made it.
The church looked like the Vatican of South India and is known to be blessed with miraculous powers. Well I decided to shed my unspoken arrogance and was asking for something much more than a miracle with all the humility I could fake. Instead I knew that the thousands who gathered there deserved more than me to get their prayers answered. Long back Christ said that if you have faith equivalent to that of a mustard seed you can move mountains.All I was asking was to get myself on the move, quite literally so, out of my inaction and reluctance or may be the inertia or I'm afraid to coin it as Laziness.
Our journey back was quite blessed, obviously the Gods help you so much that we could push yourselves a little farther.