Indecision

Indecision is a decision in itself. The very fact that you chose not to decide is a big step in itself as you are ready to flow along the course rather than create disruption and change course. I'm not justifying indecision as a virtue, however many a times indecsion turns out to be the best decision you ever make.
It hurts you as you grow up to realise that you are not a genius or gifted or probably you did not chose the right course of direction. However big or small one is we are just a cog in the wheel, as you wear out somebody is waiting in the wings to replace you. Nobody is indispensable, the show must go on be it life or work or anything in particular. But these thoughts should not restrict our thoughts and actions and lead us into inaction. Inaction and indecision need to be treated separately. Like a verse I read some time back Sucess is God's grace but failure or its perception is like living a divine trial , fighting to fulfill our potential. Hoping that someday when we rise that the bruises we suffered when we fell would not matter anymore or from a lighter point of view we would get used to it after some time.
Thats one thing I'm afraid of ,as I chose a life of indecsion and as I'm getting tuned to this sitting comfy in my room with headfones on and Bryan Adams blaring Summer of 69 for the umpteenth time I'm so afraid to disrupt the routine. The routine we hate so much and complain about it, in fact after coming out of it I chose to go back into it. Ah here I chose to make a decision which help me continue a life in indecision. This dilemma in which I chose to live, ruuning away from myself or may be the search for something real will persist as long as I continue to live the routine of chosing to be indecisive.
Wisdom is so hard to procure or like many things in life you get it when you dont need it anymore. Seeking it for a lifetime in you and others around you life could make living much more pleasant than it is now.But the nightmare is every now and then glimpses of your percieved potential coming back to haunt you what you could be or how could you sorted our own lives and that of others than what it is now. After all in weaker moments like today you chose to be repsonsible for what isnt and what could have been instead of what is now irrespective of whether it happened as part of the routine or it happened as a disruptive decision you made.
As we look at the past everyone of us have come a long way but do we have it in us to take it to the next level without setting comparisons and crossing our own benchmarks in life, in our relationships, in our careers. etc. Deep within our hearts we know we will make it but our impatience to live through to get over such nightmarish moments is what makes me blog tonight.
Amen.
P.S. Please do not judge me by this blog I will write good stuff next time.